Making films can't be easy. Lucky for script writers, there's always a cliché on hand if they ever get stuck...
Some movie clichés are so firmly rooted into the cinematic experience that we often might forget that they're even clichés at all; we just accept them as part of the experience, alongside characters breathing, moving and talking. Still, filmmakers have relied on lazy tactics to tell a story, skip through difficult-to-write dialogue and basically just race to the good stuff, even if this is often at the expense of small things like logic.
Should movies be akin to real life? Most of the time, probably not, but there's a certain irony in movies purporting to offer viewers "escapism" while they simultaneously contravene that attempt with some ludicrous bizarre behaviours that in effect pull us out of the experience. Sure, clichés can make for an enjoyable night out at the movies when a film so ludicrously revels in them - and sometimes they can the most entertaining aspect of a film - but when even good films can't escape these absurd tropes, it's a sign that something's rotten in Hollywood.
Here are some movie clichés that just need to stop.
People Never Say "Goodbye" To End Phone Calls
We imagine screenwriters don't think too much about whether Liam Neeson is realistically polite when on the phone to terrorists, let alone his actual family, but it's distracting how many films of all genres simply don't have characters converse in a way that even approaches realism. People can have the most engaging, thrilling, hilarious conversation in cinema history, but if it isn't signed off properly, it just distracts me; in film-land, do people ever actually say the most basic of phone-related pleasantries, "Goodbye"?
While the absence of this word is of course entirely permissible if it's an emotionally charged, angry scene - because who is polite to their enemies? - but even in dramas and between the most well-acquainted, friendly characters, as soon as all the expository plot information has been spat out, a character will simply hang up without every saying goodbye. In those rare instances that it does happen, it's so shocking that it ironically doesn't seem right.
While it's easy to appreciate screenwriters cutting verbose dialogue for pacing and to keep things moving, this is one daft omission, a 2-second exchange that more films need to be sure to include. Or am I just being overly polite?
People Don't Finish Their Meals
Though a lot of the clichés on this list are ones that audiences will be well-acquainted with, this is one that I haven't heard too many people mention. If characters are talking in a diner, at home, a restaurant, or basically anywhere that they're served a meal, as soon as the expository dialogue is completed, they will get up and leave without finishing their meal. It's not only stupidly unrealistic - because who has the money to waste on only going out and eating three chips and half an egg - but it's just lazy; how about you don't have a character waltz in and out when their food is served up, but have them finishing their meal when the scene begins, or better yet, just have them drinking a coffee or something.
Bombs Have LED Timers
Aren't terrorists considerate? They're about to blow thousands if not millions of people to pieces, but they're smart enough to place an LED read-out on the bomb so that in case anyone attempts to diffuse it, they know exactly how long they've got until detonation. Isn't it much scarier if there's no timer and the only person who knows the detonation time is, you know, the bad guy himself? Also, wouldn't people be a lot less likely to tamper with it and more inclined to run like Hell if they thought it could blow any second? These are basic things that a child could come up with, and though there is some amusement in the Looney Tunes-inspired manner with which some films wheel out the classic time bomb scenario, for serious-minded entertainment, it can prove frustrating and sigh-inducing.
Take The Dark Knight Rises, a sombre, serious film about terrorism that has Bane attempting to blow Gotham to pieces, complete with a bomb that has an LED read-out. While we're not doubting the sophistication of the device, it just seems a tad...barbaric to have a big red read-out on the front. Why not give Bane a portable device that monitors the time?
Surveillance Footage Has Amazing Cinematography
Watch any film that has surveillance footage and usually it will not only be crazily crystal clear, but the camera will also move with an incredulously slick traction, as though on a dolly or a crane because, you guessed it, it usually is. Though filmmakers might be able to pawn this off as saying the camera has a remote control, these movements are sufficiently complex that no remote control camera on Earth could replicate it; take Martin Scorsese's brilliantly authentic crime thriller The Departed, that's ruined by one solitary moment (which I couldn't find a clip of, so you'll have to take my word for it).
Third Time Lucky
If a character is trying to do something against the odds, you can bet your bottom dollar that they won't get it right the first time, and probably not the second one either; it'll be on attempt number three that the door will be kicked open, the car will start, and the protagonist will succeed. It's such a predictable notion that it's a genuine pleasure when filmmakers actually have a character complete their tough action on the second or fourth effort, just because it's so unexpected. It's not among the most infuriating cinematic clichés perhaps, but it is dreadfully boring, yet one that has somehow still managed to persist throughout many good and bad films.
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